Newspaper Article

Key questions asked over and over Series: Emotional Fitness

Redman, Warren

1999

Overview

Listening really begins when you set a kind of contract so that both of you understand and agree what is wanted. And if you want people to listen to you, you need to listen to them. Making it a two- way contract works the best. If you can't find anyone in your circle who seems able to do this, make an appointment to see a counsellor whose job, and skill, is to listen to you so that you get to hear yourself. It's no coincidence that the same kind of things happen to you. We all get into patterns of behaviour based on our earliest experiences. One of the problems with our education system is that nobody teaches us to learn from our emotional responses to situations. The first part of changing any behaviour that doesn't work for you is to be conscious of it. So watch out for your responses and then, probably later on when you have calmed down a little, take some time to check how you were feeling. Think who the other person may really be representing to you. Maybe the boss represents an over- authoritarian parent to your emotional inner child. Perhaps your spouse is acting like the elementary grade school teacher that you admired but could never please.

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